He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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