So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
