we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
