I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Randomize