Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
