I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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