Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
