she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
