remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
