arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
