I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize