Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
