so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
