I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
