i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I seem to have left my pride at pride
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
