Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Randomize
