I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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