I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Why are your pants in the freezer?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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