i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
found the other keg... it's in the tree
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
