areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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