I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Randomize
