I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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