I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize