I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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