Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
