I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize