I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
