Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Just high enough for therapy.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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