This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Randomize