Did you just see the Batmobile???
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
The adults are the big ones right?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
