I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
