im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
