So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize