i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
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