worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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