wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Randomize