i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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