She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
