The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
