You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
