1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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