Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
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