She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize