Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
