I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize
