Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
