What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
