he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
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