Only a mothe r could love this liver
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
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