Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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