i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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