I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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