what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
You can't motorboat a personality
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Randomize
