I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
