I didn't shave. On purpose
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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