i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
