i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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