fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
