I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
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