If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
