It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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