it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
