I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize