Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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