You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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