Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
