at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize