That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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