If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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