it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
