I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
We had sex on a dog bed..
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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