He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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