I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
