I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
