if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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