yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
