You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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