i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I supernannyed him into submission
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
