As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
