return my video game
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
