I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize